Monitoring the progress of St. Cloud property values is serious business, but in any given week it seldom inspires eye-catching feature writing. Last week was a quiet one in that regard, so searches for “home values” yielded nothing new—which is how a commentary first published last year found its way near the top of the search engine results.

The dollar estimates in “The Actual Values of Famous Cartoon Homes Today” may be a bit dated given the effects of inflation and market changes since its original March 2022 publication date. Yet the relative findings are probably as accurate as any such entirely silly speculation could come up with. Highlights:

 King of the Hill’s modest three-bedroom ranch is valued at $200,000, given its unremarkable setting (Arlen, a fictitious small Texas town) and its owner Hank Hill’s marked frugality.

The Simpsons’ famous pink four-bedroom Springfield house is priced at $400,000. The estimate seems somewhat higher than Homer’s couchbound breadwinning energy might seem capable of supporting—but the show has been on the air for so long that it makes sense, given how real estate values appreciate over the long run.

The Flintstones’ Bedrock, Pangea-based designer cave is estimated at $200,000 sand dollars. That might seem an insubstantial sum, given the stability its granite structure might seem to merit—but perhaps that is due to the “glaring inefficiencies all around” Bedrock.

The Jetsons’ Orbit City Skypad apartment takes first prize as the highest-valued domicile in all of cartoondom despite its lack of land value (it floats high above the Earth’s surface). The hefty $6,000,000 value might be explained by inflation since the date of the valuation is the year 2062.

 At the opposite end of the spectrum is the customized pineapple that SpongeBob SquarePants calls home. Although it is certainly a very large pineapple (SpongeBob is an Aplysina fistularis, a hefty yellow tube sponge), its undersea land value is virtually nil since it’s within the Bikini Atoll (an H-bomb test site). Factoring in “the markup, renovations, and SpongeBob’s meager income” (it would make mortgage companies reluctant to finance the 124 Conch Street dwelling), the aquatic abode’s total value is estimated to be $4.

Our own St. Cloud property values are not subject to the imaginations of TV animators or their continuous quest for laughter and ratings. For the actual values of real three-dimensional St. Cloud properties, call anytime!    

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