St. Cloud H.O.A.s (Homeowner Associations) have plenty to recommend them. One of their purposes is to protect members’ property values by enforcing minimum standards. St. Cloud HOAs are democratic institutions, with rules and procedures spelled out in governing documents that can be amended by popular vote.  

That’s not to say that H.O.A.s are not without their detractors. Some homeowners chafe at any attempt—no matter how sensible—to tell them what they can or can’t do with their property. They can save much emotional anguish by reading and understanding any St. Cloud H.O.A. agreement that is part of a property they are considering.

These associations are usually run by a board of directors—a committee whose deliberations and decisions are prone to the foibles that any bureaucratic assemblage can produce. Since the members usually volunteer their time, they are to be commended for their selfless service to their neighbors. But that doesn’t guarantee their deliberations won’t fall victim to compromises that, from the earliest times, have plagued bureaucratic setups in general.

Such was the satiric takeoff point for an imaginative “document” that appeared in The New Yorker last month. It pretended to reproduce the ruling that a foreign country’s H.O.A. had issued regarding a member’s request for permission to pursue a project.

The country was ancient Egypt (circa 2550 B.C.) and the letter was The Giza Homeowner Association’s ruling regarding a member’s proposal. The member (he would have to have been the Pharaoh) had applied for a waiver to allow him to build three pyramids and an aboveground reflecting pool.

The response is drolly ministerial in its language and logic. Yes, the pyramids would be allowed, but there was also a non-binding recommendation that all entrances be posted with “a complete list of torments (death of firstborn, blindness, pestilence, etc., etc.) inflicted upon those who dare trespass.”

However, there were problems regarding the reflecting pool. For openers, “safety being this H.O.A.’s top priority,” there would need to be a childproof fence around the perimeter. But such a pool could also disrupt the flow of oxcart traffic. Worse yet, it would run afoul of neighborhood design standards, since it would break up Giza’s “sweeping and iconic views of flat desert.”

The sometimes arbitrary nature of bureaucratic decision-making was given a final jab with the inclusion of the Board’s philosophical agreement that “pyramid-based development is key to revitalizing the neighborhood” while overlooking the actual impact of the project.  The Board’s single footnote regarding the size of the most massive structure on Earth was, “we trust you won’t go overboard with it”—adding a final, careless aside, “what are cubits?”

When it comes to H.O.A. provisions—like all the legal details that go with buying and selling a property—having a professional’s experience is always the way to go. Call me anytime!

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